I am not a slut.

Hi there. I thought I’d have a little heart to heart. I absolutely love beauty obviously and I love blogging about beauty. But sometimes I feel like sharing other things as well. And even though I am admittedly afraid to share personal things, sometimes I feel the urge to. So this is me writing about my week, what’s been on my mind and so on.

So this week something really odd happened to me. I felt guilty and responsible for something that wasn’t my fault at all. I was sitting in a class waiting for a lecture to start when I got passed a note. The guy who passed it to me said it was from this other guy who was sitting in the row in front of him. I opened the note feeling very confused. I should also note that my classes are really big, so I don’t know everyone. To be honest I don’t even recognize everyone so I had no idea who this guy was and can’t even recall if I had seen him before. I hesitantly opened the note which read ” Can we fuck later?’ Yes, that is what it said. Not can I have your number? Or hi my name is so and so what’s yours? Just can we fuck? CAN WE FUCK? I was so shocked I burst out laughing.  I passed it along to my friends who both took one look at it and reacted with total anger and disgust. I explained to them that it was passed to me and that it must be a joke. That is when the guy who had written the note turned around and asked if I received it. To my surprise he was sitting alone not with a group of friends as  I’d expected and asked the question with utter sincerity and seriousness. ” So what’s your answer?” Was this guy being serious? What was my answer? ” My answer is no, and that is a really rude and offensive question to ask” I responded. He apologized after class and that was the end of that.

In the grand scheme of things it means very little and I tried to push it out of my mind. But it bothered me. I’m also sure now that it was not actually a joke and that that guy thought by some miracle that tactic would work. Ha! I really wonder if it has ever worked for anyone. I found myself thinking about it on the drive home. Not about the fact that it was disrespectful. About what I was wearing that day. Maybe I overdid it on the makeup today? Maybe I shouldn’t have worn shorts? Maybe I’m attracting the wrong kind of attention?  This ended up bothering me more than the note itself. Why was I blaming myself for someone elses actions? Why was I making an excuse for his behavior? Just because I was wearing shorts ,which aren’t even very short or tight and even if they were that is no reason for someone to talk to me like that. This lead me to think about victim and slut shaming. In no way I am comparing what happened to me to what some girls have been through, but it did help me understand this issue a bit better. I blamed myself for what happened to me ( even though it wasn’t a big deal) , but why did I do this? Is it because society has taught me that if you dress a certain why you are asking to be treated like a sexual object? Is it because I’ve learned to blame myself for the way others treat me? And if I could blame myself for this how easy would it be to blame a victim? I was completely shocked at myself for clearly having this subconscious view that I was unaware of.   Basically I thought I was being a slut for wearing shorts ( even though I have never thought of myself as sexually desirable) and deserved a comment like that.  Clearly if I believed this of myself I would of others too.

I came to the conclusion that this is absolute rubbish. I am not a slut. Wearing shorts or anything for that matter doesn’t make me one.  What I wear doesn’t give anyone a right to treat me a certain way. If it’s true for me it’s true for everyone else too. Now I know not to judge myself or others so quickly.

Thanks for reading.

 

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